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You're Lucky God, That I Cannot Reach You

by Down I Go

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1.
2.
Tell me mother, how do I make the most of this gold ring? Put it under a ling snake my darling one. How do I make the most of this gold ring? Put it under a ling snake in the old chest. Left it for a few days and come back to check and the chest is falling apart. The snake has grown so enormous that the chest is bursting at its very joints. How has this made the most of my gold ring? Did you put it under a ling snake my love? How has this made the most of my gold ring? Perhaps I gave you bad advice my darling. Carry the wretched chest down to the lake. Cast it into the watery depths. Sink the damned thing to the bottom. Get this ling snake out of my life forever. The beast won't stop its incessant growing. Terror! The thing won't stop growing. When is enough enough? It's grown too big. It's so big now we cannot cope with it. It eats our people one by one. It really is intolerable to see our loyal townsfolk gobbled up one by one. The venom sprays are constantly poisoning us. It must be slain. Send for the Finns, they'll know just what to do. We know they are a brave race of men, and true. They have killed many a similar beast; with the victors, we'll celebrate with a feast. We are Finns, brave and true. Swim down under the water. Brave Finns ready for slaughter. It seems there is another: The monster's larger brother. Set chains fit to restrain them. Bring an end to the mayhem. We will try to grab its flippers and its tail. We will try to tie it down, fight tooth and nail. We must restrain it, fight tooth and nail.
3.
Cursed appointment. Yuletide murders. Mysterious killings each Christmas Eve. Vigorous farmhand, guarding the farmstead. Lighting the candle, hiding in the wall. Smells like humans. March up to the farmhouse, like each year. Time to kill some humans. Bring the silver. Lay out all the silver: silver plates, silver knives, silver forks, silver goblets. Break the dog's neck! Break the dog’s bones! Drain the dog's blood! Throw his corpse through the window. Lay out all the silver: silver plates, silver knives, silver forks, silver goblets. Smells like humans. Daybreak! Daybreak! You killed my dog and you danced all night long. Daybreak! Daybreak! I'll chase you back down. Back to the water's edge. Quick, back down to the lake, out my way! Quick, lest we turn to stone, back to the lake. Daybreak! Daybreak! Smells like humans.
4.
Over battle, Ogress ran the red blood of the serving man. Tore off his head. Her deadly iron mouth did gape. Tore off his head and let out life. Treefoot treefoot, foot of tree, trolls take thee and thy company. I distrust this version of events. Let Grettis face the music now. Over rations, Grettis ran the red blood of the serving man. Opened his throat. Will you go back home? He must be tried. Skeggi avenged. Or stay gone three winters? Must be outlawed. Lift the stone! Grettir’s heave! It was said a rock-troll, her weight did throw into Skeggi's throat a short while ago. Grettis outlawed! Grettis outlawed!
5.
Please let me down again. I was fixing my mother's chimney. Leave me alone, release me back into the ocean You'll stay with me, you'll stay with me, I'll head to shore when I'm good and ready. You'll stay with me, you'll stay with me, I'll stay and fish 'til I'm good and ready. First joke: kick your loyal dog. Second joke: trip over the hummock. Third joke: embrace your cheating wife. Release me back into the ocean. I've got a secret. I will reveal it to you. Just let me down. I will reveal it to you. I'll take you down my friend. Take you down to the ocean. Just tell me why you laughed. Just tell me why you laughed thee times. Dig up the hummock that you tripped over and under it you'll find something to make you change your mind. Take me back down to the ocean. I'll take you down my friend, take you down to the ocean. You told me why you laughed. You told me where to find the gold. The time is well remembered when Marbendill laughed of yore. How fawning sweet the mistress when her man came ashore. Kissing him and fondling, perfidious to the core. The foolish man distrusted and kicked his dog, therefore. Gold! You have done a good deed, I will reward you duly. Keep your eyes open and seize the opportunity.
6.
Summoned to present a baby to the font, or that's what I told him. “Just a pinch” I said, but then I took so much more than that. What was she called? "They named her Topsy. A true little lady," she said. "Middle is her name. A little marvel of a girl," or that's what I told him. "They've asked for me again, to take a baby to the font," so I said. What was she called? "Groove, they named her. A graceless child. The bottom of the barrel." Butter's finished, all gone, 'cause I ate it. Ate the lot. Why'd I have to finish all the butter? Scoffed it down. What can I do about this pickle? Maybe I can find a handy scapegoat. A fall guy. One who would eat all this lovely butter from our tun. I could blame a tiny little fly. Can this far-fetched tale really be true? Just a little fly? There the bastard is, let's get him now! Lock the door! Let's trap the butter thief! No escape for you, bedevilled fly! Come here so I can smash out your brain, The blasted creature has landed on my nose! You stay still, husband. I will hit you in the face. Here comes your smashed-out brain. Strike it while it's still on my nose! Strike it while it's still on my nose! Strike it while it's still on the end of my nose!
7.
Come out, you crafty fellow. You have my wife's whorl. Don't make me pound your mound more. Give me something now! Give me a cow for milking, and a good one too. Give me some grain for the pot, or taste my cudgel. Kidhouse! Kidhouse! Stop banging on my house! I will give you just what you want! Don't you worry on that account. A ladder to heaven, was it? I will give you just what you want. Here, let me set it up for you. Careful with your pails of porridge. Give my regards to St. Mary. Careful not to get too dizzy. Bring me the tallest ladder, to climb to heaven. We've porridge for St. Mary, made of milk and grain. Splattered across the world, the porridge and the brains. Splattered across the world. Splattered across the world, the porridge and the brains from their splintered skulls, lichens of white and yellow. Splattered across the world, the porridge and the brains from their splintered skulls, don't anger Kidhouse.
8.
Riding over a glacier with your friends, drizzle and bracing wind whipping through your hair. Stop, take a look over yonder, I can see four mounted figures. Turn back and run away as fast as you can. Gallop faster, we can lose them in the hills. Faster! Three left. Faster! Two left. Faster! One left. Dismount! En garde! Crack! The cudgel strikes across the hand. Wrestled to the ground. Quick, tie the outlaw’s feet together. Bind his hands as well. I will haunt your dreams and I will kill you slowly. Turn him over and unsheathe your knife. Cut his tendons so he cannot flee. Steel yourself against his bloody screams. Taste my arse and try and haunt me now. Riding over the glacier with your friends, drizzle and bracing wind whipping through your hair. Heed this as a warning: all the things you witnessed today, take them with you to your grave. Hand over my knife so I can slit his throat. Heed this as a warning: all the things you witnessed today, take them with you to your grave. I am warning you to never talk of this to a human soul. Never speak of this ever again
9.
Prowling giants cross the fjord. Turn to stone when faced with the sunrise. Jagged cliffs jut skyward; home to puffin, guillemot, raven. Fearless men descend the cliffs. Severed ropes send them to their maker. Whether threadbare or intact, fate provides the same consequences. Torn apart while plunging to a watery grave in the ocean. Every bone is broken. Dashed upon the jagged rocks of Drangey. I will come and consecrate this cursed island, rid this cliff of malevolent forces. Send me down to consecrate this cursed cliff face. Lower me and bring the holy water. Threads away from plunging to a watery grave in the ocean. Hasty consecration, dangled from the jagged rocks of Drangey. Wretched hand, get thee away. Haul me up swiftly. Save me from this hairy-handed bastard! Prowling hunters scale the cliffs. Fell to sea when faced with the knife edge. Jagged cliffs jut skyward; home to puffin, guillemot, raven. I see a rope, I see a man, and then I reach for my knife, clasped in my hairy fingers. I try to cut; one strand, two strands. Who do you think you are? The wicked need a place of their own too. The birds collect on heathen ground.
10.
The Sending 05:00
Escape from the black death. No corpses on the island. One sent to investigate. Go forth and dispatch our absent brother. Thus is made the Sending Dead bodies everywhere. Stone houses left wide open, but here's a bolted door: A sign of a survivor Trap the sending inside a lamb bone. Codger's cave-skull, burning human bellies. Fly released from his bony prison, like a mountain, trees flattened by wingbeats, all consuming swallows other Sendings. Now everybody's dead, and we are free from Sendings, repopulate the Earth. Incestuous new bloodline. With the help of an old cave-dweller (ugly face, but helpful) we are safe from the rusty spectres. Don't judge a book by its cover. Mother in the pen, Primp and charm the men. Take my swaddling rags to don, and dance with them.

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released August 27, 2015

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